Vicky | 21 | Texas

send me your address so I can visit you and explain my passions
©

quick break from working on finals to present to you the chapter list of my autobiography

  1. I Threw My Food in the Trash to Prevent Myself from Eating It, and I Now Regret Everything
  2. Using Long-Ass Quotes to Make Your Essay Longer (and Making the Punctuation One Font Size Bigger)
  3. Motherfucker in Front of Me, If You Don’t Walk Faster So Help Me
  4. I Thought It Would Be Colder Outside, and I Regret Wearing Such Heavy Clothing
  5. I Thought It Would Be Warmer Outside, and I Regret Wearing Shorts and a T-shirt
  6. It Doesn’t Matter If You Are Mother Teresa, If You Are My Roommate I Will Find Something to Dislike about You
  7. Cheeto Puffs
  8. At Least the Lady Who Swipes My Card at the Dining Hall Likes Me (Because I Ask Her How She’s Doing Every Day)

  1. nicoleyoleypoley reblogged this from mrjesseeisenberg and added:
    oh my god the parenthetical part of #2 is straight up genius! I wish I would have thought of that, haha.
  2. neildegrassetyson said: are you sure this isn’t the new death cab for cutie tracklist
  3. willbeyoursafety said: "I Threw My Food in the Trash to Prevent Myself from Eating it and Now I Regret Everything" sums up my entire life.
  4. zamnmorgan said: replace cheeto puffs with flaming hot and we got ourselves a done deal tbh
  5. mrjesseeisenberg posted this